Persistence, Giving Up, and Enjoying Life

Should we be persistent, or is it okay to give up? Let's discuss the pros and cons of giving up. Friday's Digest #96

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Preface
Main Article
Readers’ Favorite
Stuff

Preface

That was my last week of fellowship.

Done.

These past two years were very intense. It was very different from the intensity of residency. In residency, you're taking 26-30 shifts, handling a lot of administrative tasks, and, in general, you’re quite miserable 😃.

During your fellowship, your schedule is almost entirely packed with surgeries and clinic time. You’re not spending your nights in the emergency department like during your residency. But if surgery runs long, you stay in the operating room until late. Sometimes until 1:00-2:00 in the morning.

So you’re pretty tired all the time, but usually not exhausted.

Except for the last week of fellowship.

It was absolutely exhausting.

It brought me to a point where I seriously considered not writing a newsletter this week.

I usually write it 5-6 days before it is published, but this time, I had to postpone it again and again.

So it’s Thursday night, 8 hours before this newsletter will reach your inbox, and I’m sitting down to write it. I really want to sleep, but I’m writing it instead.

Does it make sense?

This is what we’re going to discuss this week.

Let’s do this!

(So I can get some sleep)

Main Article

People have different priorities. Some tend to persist and not give up, while others prefer to let go more often than not.

“Give up” is quite harsh, and sometimes it’s not really “giving up.” It’s prioritizing or choosing a different path.

Where do you put yourself on this spectrum?

I’ll tell you where I’m at – the extreme edge of not giving up. I’m very persistent.

Is it a good thing?

I don’t know. Let me give you a few examples.

When firstborn accidentally dropped a sculpture he made, I sat down to glue it back together. It was broken into about 80 pieces, so it took me 3 hours.

I could have told him to make a new one, a better one. But when he was so sad and told me there was no way it could be fixed, I had to restore it to the point you could hardly see it was ever broken.

If something breaks around the house, I must fix it—even the cheapest toy. I sit down, crack it open, and try to fix it.

Firstborn and secondborn usually watch me for a few minutes, then lose interest and do something else. Something more fun than watching me take their toy apart. So I fix it.

Then they play with the fixed toy for a few minutes and forget about it 😃.

So, is it worth it?

Maybe I should have spent the time playing with my kids instead of fixing their toy?

Well, that’s the million-dollar question here. What do you gain from being persistent, and what do you lose?

With the first example (the broken sculpture), my kids saw that even when something is broken into small pieces, it can be fixed. It will take a few hours, you will probably cut yourself in the process, but you can fix it.

Fixing things around the house? It saves you money, it’s better for the environment, but there’s one thing that really brings me joy. Hearing my kids tell their friends, “Just bring it to my dad. He will fix it.”

And there are many more examples from my professional life: taking tests under impossible conditions, combining research and clinical work, and getting accepted into two fellowships (with the support of two very determined mentors who believe in me). And these things allow me to pursue what matters to me most.

But all these take a toll. They take away my time and energy. A LOT of time. And a LOT of energy.

Is it worth it?

Well, it depends on what the alternative is. For me, if I give up, I end up regretting it. I have very few regrets in life. But the few that I have are things I gave up on.

So, what’s the bottom line here?

It all depends on how much you find yourself regretting things.

I genuinely believe people who don’t regret giving up on things tend to be calmer. They don’t perceive it as “giving up.” They probably have a better work-life balance and enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Let’s go back to today’s newsletter.

If I had just given up, I would have gotten more sleep. I would have gotten more leisure time. I would have enjoyed life more (if that’s really a thing).

But then I would have woken up in the morning, maybe a bit more refreshed, but with something bothering me.

Some readers would message me and ask if everything’s okay. Some would say, “Huh, I guess there’s no newsletter this week.” Some wouldn’t notice.

Whatever the reaction, I will know that this newsletter is no longer “Every Friday.”

And at least for now, I don’t want that to happen.

So this is what it’s like being very persistent.

For those who want to be more persistent, check out the “Stuff” section, which includes two books I think are the best.

For those who want to be less persistent, ask yourself: Will you regret it later?

Readers’ Favorite

Is turning your hobby into your job the ultimate dream or a potential nightmare? Read all about it in Friday’s Digest #71 - Should You Turn Your Hobby into a Career?

Stuff

There are two books I HIGHLY recommend for those of you who want to be more persistent.

The first one will resonate with almost anyone - The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday. It’s about how changing the way you perceive obstacles defines who you are.

The second one is an extreme book for those who are EXTREMELY persistent but think they might be missing what life has to offer because of it. The author of this book is Michael Jordan’s personal trainer, called “Relentless”. I highly recommend the audiobook version.